I needed him to want me more. Professor Stanley, or Matthew, as I took to calling him, was gorgeous. He nearly towered over me, standing at a full 6’1” while I was 5’4”. He was muscular, had a full head of salt and pepper hair and wore thick rimmed glasses. Honestly, he could’ve been a GQ model if he was 20 years younger. “Good evening, gorgeous”, he said in a low voice, still wearing that smile. His green eyes twinkled. “Hey, Mister”, I replied, trying not to think too hard about how hot I’d become in the last ten seconds. Hesitantly, he leaned in for a hug, his left hand resting firmly but gently on my bare skin. The scent on Matthew’s black button up was intoxicating, and his strong, warm chest pushed up against my face sent my head reeling. He was a stereotypically manly man, and it made me want to take him for my own even more. The embrace eventually came to an end, and I moved to the side to let him in. “Hey, so I hope you don’t mind, but I brought a little snack for us. I’ve. At first I just ignored you and tried to pretend that you didn’t exist, like maybe if I did you would just go away. But you persisted. When I was at the store or watching TV alone, I shift my gaze and suddenly see you there… and I always smiled. Even when my parents talked about how much you were going to destroy my life, I’d still smile. I knew it wasn’t true. You would have only made my life better. In the short time I did know you, you completely changed me. I could only imagine who I would have become had we been able to live the life we deserved. My grandma always said, ‘God gives us just enough — never too much and never too little.’ She was right. That short time I knew you was just long enough for me to know someone loved me. I think that was the thing that changed me most of all. Knowing that someone had unconditional love for me. And that was what made me finally able to let go and love myself. Sometimes at night I think about the night you died. I cry every time I.
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