Mai u.p me allahabad me rahkar padhta tha..jabki mera ghar ayodhya faizabad me hai..baat winter 2007 ki hai ..allahabad se sabere 06:30 pm baje ek train chal kar raat ko faizabad pahuchati hai..mai bhi ghar jaane k liye usi train par sawar ho gaya..us waqt sayad koi chutti aane wali thi isliye train jaise jaise aage badhti gayi wo bharti gayi. Us passenger train me mai widow side wale single seat par baith gaya aur thodi der me so bhi gaya..train bhari ja rahi thi.kareeb 9:30 par mujhe laga ki koi mere paas aa kar baith gaya hai..maine dekha wo burke me ek aurat thi..khai mai fir se so gaya.wo ek haath badha kar winow ko pakdi hui thi is wajah se uski bodi side se mere peeth me ragad rahi thi..mujhe accha lag raha tha isliye mai bhi neend ka bahana kar k apne peeth ko uski haatho se ragadne laga.thodi der dheere dheere mai aisa hi karta raha fir fir ragadna thoda tej kar diya aur baad me bahut tej tej ragadne laga par mai ye dekh kar hairan rah gaya ki wo kuch bhi bol nahi rahi. I don't have any kind of drugs I can take and I don't have money with which to buy them.I'm reasonably certain that I'm too much of a coward to slit my wrists. I'm still the girl who's deathly afraid of needles. There's no way I could slice myself open. Besides, the sight of blood makes me ill.I don't have a gun and I've never fired one. But I can't imagine having the guts to shoot myself. It's so violent!I was interrupted by Gary hollering at me to come out and make his supper. I shut off the water and dried off quickly. I went out to the kitchen and made supper. I think that Gary thought I was still dazed by what happened to me today.I suppose that's partially true. But for the most part I'm just preoccupied with deciding how best to end it all.I ate a few bites. But I wasn't hungry. My body hurts too much for me to have an appetite. Jimmie came in after Gary finished eating. I made a plate for him and then I cleaned up the kitchen while he ate.It was almost ten o'clock before.
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