You can put your arms around me if you want to. It's alright. I won't leave you. I'll be here as long as you need me to. Your hair smells so good. You feel warm and nice. I could hold you like this forever. I want to hold you like this forever. God you feel good." I went on for quite a while before she finally managed to settle down and relax. "Thank you. You'll can't possibly know how good you make me feel when you do that. I do pretty well during the day. It's at night, after the kids are in bed, that I get lonesome and afraid. I get so scared that I have to curl up and close my eyes and just hide inside my head. I just lose control when I think about the hard things at night." She lost it again and I gave her another long distance hug, comforting her and gently smoothing her hair back and telling her that I wanted to hold her like that forever. I was starting to get better at giving phone hugs and I knew how much she needed them. God, it felt good to feel. But she never always showed that side of herself. Not to me anyway and now I knew why ‘too fucking nice’. I pondered hard on what I had done and a few times I closed my eyes as I shook my head not wanting to admit my guilt, trying my best to bury it deep before I got home.That was when I crossed the thin white line on the road. My car was quickly absorbed by the front of an oncoming lorry. My car twisted as the lorry rode over it and I was trapped for some time before the rescue services cut me free. The damage to my legs and knees was insurmountable. The driver of the lorry kept babbling over and over that it was not his fault. I was in no state to confirm or deny that. During the following year of treatment, the doctor and physiotherapist were ever optimistic but even they had to admit I would never walk again.I love my wife very much. But how can I tell her, as she looks after me and helps me into the wheelchair and all around the house. Even today, she has the same smile that I.
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