Mary, who taught at Indiana, said that she had spoken to him once a couple of years ago, and that he was single, but dating a biologist from his school. No one else had any more intelligence than that, so we returned to shop talk. I decided that I would try to meet him and see what the story was. I mentioned that Jack didn’t look like the stereotypical physicist, and frankly, neither did I. I was 5’10’, with blonde hair, and still had the body that I had in college, when I supplemented my income with some live modeling for art classes. Which is not to say that there weren’t other attractive physicists at the symposium, but I did kind of stand out. I also had finished at the top of my class at Stanford, and received my Ph.D. from Cal Tech. I was always a bit of a freak. In high school, I was captain of the cheerleaders in the fall, the point guard on the basketball team in the winter, and performed in the spring musical, getting the lead my senior year. I was valedictorian and prom. ." She trailed off. Was she upset about what had just nearly happened? Though I had never had pushed her or even suggested it, had she somehow felt pressured or obligated to go that far, but couldn't? "It's okay, Abby. I never wanted to make you feel-"Abby cut me off. "Its just, how long can we do this?" Her voice was a frantic whisper. "We can't keep this up forever, always pretending to everyone else. We'd never be able to lead a normal life." Oh," was all I managed. So that's why she was upset. "We're supposed to graduate, move out of here, go to college, get jobs, have families. How I do any of that if I just want to be with you? Our whole lives would be a sham. We'll have to stop sometime. And being so close to you has just so... amazing... that I know the longer we keep going, the harder it will be to ever stop."I didn't respond, didn't know how to. I didn't want to stop, but I knew somewhere deep down that she was right. Being with as close with Abby as I was now, not just.
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