If only I could die I would be happy. Laying eyes on my son erased the pain and closed the wounds on my face and body, it breathed new life into me and assured me that our souls are real, and that our pain however intolerable is fleeting and not in vain. I was afraid to touch him as if he were made out of cotton candy and my fingers could reshape him and turn him into nothing but so much sugar from which he was made. My blood marked his body, proving that he was mine. My flesh, my blood, a new life born of my womb. A new soul to sprout wings and fly if only I could teach him. Suddenly all my fears and inadequacies as a mother seemed very real. God trusts us with this great task and I felt so much less than worthy. God my son…my son… Years later I could not begin to recall the fervor with which those brief shards of time were lived and wept and dissolved into a dream filled with nothing more than ashes of my memories. I held him in my arms feeling his flesh like crushed velvet, damp. I saw a few tits but it was really to far away and they covered up real fast.Next morning around ten dad woke me up and we headed home to clean up and have breakfast. When we got home mom went right to bed telling dad to fix breakfast. Poor mom was hung over and tired from lack of sleep.Well dad made breakfast for the two of us. Plus he made a big mess of the kitchen and a ton of dishes and pots and pans. I finally cleaned up the kitchen and did all the dishes. When mom came down at four she expected a mess and there was no mess. She came over to me and gave me a big hug and kiss as she knew dad would never clean up after him self, as he would just leave it.After mom, dad, sister and I ate then I told mom I would do the dishes, as she looked tired. She gave me another big hug and went off to her bedroom and the shower.My sister had a big test coming up so mom asked me to help her in the kitchen that week. Well as I help mom with the dishes I would stand in back of her and rub her.
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